Horrible Histories Games Day
by melodixa
Summary: Sam gets the Horrible Histories characters to play modern games. Unexpected things come up! I'm not done yet, I'll write more later.


_One day, Sam from HHTV News_

_Planned a Games Day, and knew it would amuse_

_Historical figures from near and far,_

_Some from ancient times, like Boudicca,_

_Some from later times like merry Charles 2,_

_She would plan lots of fun things to do_

_To please Pachacuti and highwayman Dick,_

_She would even plan a great big picnic_

_For big eaters like George 4 and Henry 8,_

_Sam simply knew that the day would be great._

On the big day, Sam was quite pleased. Everyone she invited came, except King Ethelred The Unready. They were chatting in the sunny park she had chosen to do the games, all of them in good spirit, especially Charles II.

"Attention, please," Sam said loudly, clapping her hands. "Thank you for coming to today's Games Day. The first game we will play is a game called 'Tag.' The way the game works is that someone is chosen to be 'It.'

"What's 'It'?" asked Henry VIII. "An apple? An axe?"

"No, Henry, 'It' is just a title given to the person in the game, like your title, 'King'.

"Oh," said Henry. "I knew that."

Sam sighed. "OK. 'It' has to try to catch all the other players. The other players have to run around trying not to get caught."

"Oh, I'm good at that," said Dick Turpin. "I've run around trying not to get caught by the law many times."

"Good." said Sam. "When a player gets caught by 'It,' they become 'It' and have to catch all the other players."

"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" said Charles II.

"Good." said Sam. "Let's start! Who wants to be 'It?'"

"Ooh, me!" said Charles II.

"All right!" said Sam. "Everyone else, START RUNNING!"

Charles II reached out and grabbed Boudicca's flying long cloak. "Gotcha!" he said, smiling.

_I should take that off next time, _thought Boudicca.

Boudicca then chased Pachacuti around. He was only about two feet ahead of her, but she couldn't catch up to him. She suddenly had an idea. She drew out her sword, grabbed the blade, being careful not to cut herself, then reached out and poked Henry VII with the handle.

"Ha! I got you!" she cried.

"BOUDICCA!" shouted Sam. "You're not allowed to do that!"

"But I hit him with the blunt end!" Boudicca objected.

"No, that's not what I mean!" said Sam. "You can't use your sword to add two feet to your arm. It's cheating."

"Oh, all right."

When the game was over, everyone had been caught at least once, except Dick Turpin.

"See, I told you I had experience!" he said proudly.

"Ok, the next game's called Capture The Flag. I'll divide you up into two teams and you each get a flag. The point of this game is to steal the opponents' flag." said Sam.

"A stealing game! Goody!" Dick Turpin exclaimed.

"Each team has a side. Each team hides their flag on their side. Someone from the opposing team can go on your team's side to get the flag. Someone can guard the flag. Anyone from your team can catch him/her if he goes on your side. Each side will also have an area known as the 'Jail.' If he/she is caught, then he/she must go to the Jail and stay there. If he/she has the flag when he/she is caught, then the flag goes where the person is caught. If a player can make it back to his/her side without getting caought, then that player's team wins. Players can also go to the opposing side to free people from jail. If they get caught before they reach the Jail then they have to go to the Jail too. But if they reach the Jail and touch one of the prisoners then they are free and they all get a free walk back, meaning nobody can catch them as they walk back. Oh, and Boudicca, you can't poison yourself if you're get caught by the opposing team. It's against the rules. Ok, I think we can start now!"

Sam divided the lot into two teams, and gave them some time to hide the flag. Then she said, "Ok, ready, set, GO!"

Dick Turpin ran to the opposing side, pointed his gun at one of the players and shouted, "TELL ME WHERE THE FLAG IS AND GIVE IT, OR I'LL SHOOT!"

Sam did a facepalm. How could she have forgotten? It was so _obvious_...

"Dick Turpin, that's agianst the rules too!" she said.

"Aww, but you're taking away all my stealing skills!" he complained.

"Whatever," said Sam. "It's still against the rules. And this is just a game, stealing the flag won't make you rich."

"Ok," said Dick Turpin, remembering he was skilled at being sneaky too, he had been sneaky when he was a poacher.

At the end, Henry VIII's team won. He was guarding the flag, and he was so big and fat no one could get past him. He was jumping and cheering like crazy, when suddenly, King Ethelred the Unready burst in through the park gates.

"You're late, Ethelred!" said Sam. "We've been through two games already!"

"Sorry, I-" King Ethelred began.

"Let me guess," interrupted Sam. "You weren't ready?"

Ethelred nodded.

"Anyway, said Sam, "Next up is Tug-of-War."

"War!" exclaimed King Francis I. "I don't like fighting. I'll sit out."

"No, not _real _war." replied Sam. "It's a game with a rope with two marks. I'll divide you into 2 teams again. There's a line in the middle of the park. The rope will be put over the line so that it has an equal length on both sides of the line. Then the two teams will pick up the rope, each team holding onto either end of the rope. Then each team will pull on the rope as hard as they can. If one team pulls so hard that the mark closest to the other team gets yanked over the line, then that team loses. Understand?"

Everybody nodded.

"Good, said Sam. After she made the teams, she gave them some time to get hold of the rope.

"I have an idea!" said Pachacuti. "Why don't we tie the rope to George IV? He's so fat that the other team won't be able to pull the rope over?"

"But the other team has Henry VIII, and they're doing the same thing to him!" said Dick Turpin. I mean, George's nickname may be the Prince of W**h**ales, but they need a small crane to take Henry VIII upstairs!"

However none of the teams succeded in using one of the members as a weight, because Sam said it was against the rules.

When the game commenced, each team seemed to be equally strong. King Ethelred, however made a big mistake when he mumbled something about how his people, the Saxons beat the Celts and invaded England. Boudicca, on the opposing team and filled with rage, yanked so hard on the rope it went completely over to their side.

"We won! We won!" exclaimed King Charles II, who was on Boudicca's team.

"Thanks, King Ethelred!" said Dick Turpin, also on Boudicca's team.

"I'm hungry," complained George IV. "When's lunch?"

"Glad you asked," said Sam. "Right now."

She led the historical figures to a long wooden table laden with scrumptious goodies.

George IV and Henry VIII dug in enthusicastically.

"Ooooh, champagne!" exclaimed Charles II. "And my favourite kind, too!" He poured himself a glass and downed it all in one gulp.

"Don't drink too much," said Sam. 'We don't want you sleeping through the next game."

During the eating, Dick Turpin managed to sneak King Ethelred's crown off his head, but King Ethelred caught him holding the crown in his hand.

"You stole my crown!" cried King Ethelred.

"N-no, I just.." Dick Turpin stammered.

"Oh, so you plead not guilty?" Let's find out!" He pointed to a gigantic chocolate cake in the middle of the table. "Say, 'If I am guilty may this cake choke me!' If you are guilty you will choke on it."

Dick Turpin broke off a huge slab of the cake and munched it. "Mm, decadent!" he exclaimed. He swallowed.

"Ok, so you're not guilty, but I would like my crown back." said Dick Turpin.

Everyone was absolutely glutted after lunch, so Sam let them rest a bit. The historical figures took this as an opportunity to talk among themselves and get to know each other's time periods.

Henry VIII and Boudicca were talking about beheading.

"...and we chop off the Romans' heads. We believe heads have magical powers." said Boudicca.

"I chop off many heads." said Henry. "Two of my own wives, in fact..."

"Oh, really?" asked Boudicca. "Why?"

"Well, I chopped off Anne Boleyn's head because she gave birth to a girl..."

"Why? What's wrong with a girl?"

"Girls are much too silly to rule a country!"

"WHAT! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING! HOW ABSOLUTELY MEAN!"

It would have turned into a fight if Charles II had not said, "CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT BEHEADING!"

Charles II got two confused stares in response.

"Well...well, it's just that they beheaded my dad, and I-I just haven't gotten over it yet!" He seemed on the verge of tears.

Boudicca, overcome with curiosity, started bombarding Charles II with questions. "Really? Why? What did he do? What happened?"

Henry VIII, having nobody to argue with, fell silent.

"Hey, d'you want to hear me play the flute?" Pachacuti asked to Francis I.

"Yes! I love music!" Francis I responded.

Pachacuti blew his flute, and a string of beautiful, melodious notes emerged from it.

"Oh, how wonderful! What is the flute made of?" asked Francis I.

"An enemy's arm." Pachacuti replied. Francis I was speechless.

Later, Sam said, "Ok, the next half of the day will be devoted to races. We will start by having and "Egg and Spoon Race"."

"I didn't know eggs and spoons had races," said Henry VIII.

"No, it's not that," said Sam. "It's when you race with eggs balanced on spoons."

"Oh," said Henry. "I knew that."

"Ok," said Sam You have to race from that oak tree on the right to the bench on the left. But you have to balance eggs on spoons, and if you drop your egg, you are out of the race. Got that?"

The group of historical figures nodded.

When the race began, some people, like Boudicca, went to fast and were out of the race early. Some were more cautious and did quite well, but George IV was the ultimate winner.

"Hurrah! And I am going to celebrate by eating my egg!" he said. He cracked it open, and the white and yolk spilled all over his brand new jacket.

"I'd cook it first," said Sam.

Sam continued, "Ok, now the next race is the Sack Race. It's like a normal race, only you have to get to the finish line in a sack. Like this." She put a sack on and hopped about. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," chirruped the chorus of historical figures, and then George IV added, "My dad would be pheonomenal at this. He spends all his time hopping around pretending to be a kangaroo."

"Ok, I will give you all a sack. Line up at the starting line. When I say go, GO!"

Everyone lined up at the starting line and hopped off. Charles II was having a particularly good time of it, but George IV was not. "This...is...so...embarrasing!" he panted.

King Francis I won the race. "It's all the dancing I do," he said, smiling.

"All right, follow me everyone," said Sam, walking away.

The others followed suit in curiosity.

"This is going to be the last and most grand race," said Sam. "The obstacle course."

The historical figures gaped. The obstacle course really was a sight to see. It must have taken Sam an endless amount of time to do it.

"Each of you runs through the obstacle course. I will time you. Whoever gets through this in the least amount of time wins."

One by one, the participants ran the obstacle course. They had a pretty good laugh out of it, especially the times when Henry VIII had to walk across a board balanced on two flowerpots, and the board split in two under his weight.

When it was Dick Turpin's turn, he didn't bother going through the course. He simply ran around it to the finish line.

"Yeah! I win!" he cried triumphantly.

"That's _cheating_!" yelled Sam. "Disqualified!"

Boudicca was last. Sam, and the others as well, judging by the looks on their faces, were shocked when she saw her. She leaped nimbly, slid easily, and ran so quickly she became a blur. Her fiery hair danced in the wind. She finished the obstacle course in record time.

"Boudicca wins!" yelled Sam. "Congrats!"

"And now," continued Sam, "Games Day is over. I hope you've all had a good time."

Everyone filed out of the park gates, and Sam had a look of contentment on her face as she pulled them shut.

_It was the end now, it was very late,_

_Time for everyone to go back to their date,_

_And then go and do whatever they did,_

_Be it bashing the Romans till they ran and hid,_

_Partying, or trying not to get caught,_

_Or preparing with Bob for their next news report._

THE END


End file.
